Leave It All Behind
by Half Demon Alchemist
Summary: Edward Elric can't take it any more. He needs to free himself from the cage, rid himself of the pain. He needs to run away... But can Roy stop him? Or will Ed succeed in setting himself free, and leaving it all behind? Parental! Roy Ed
1. Leaving It Behind

**Dedicated To My Friend: FireAnne47 (I promised you a story, so here it is!)**

**Disclaimer: I dont own FMA!**

**Read and Review please!**

** Chapter One:**

_ Leaving It Behind_

Today was the day. He was finally going to do it, he's done all he needed to. He left the letter for Mustang and he sent Al off to Risembool. Today he would do it. Today he would finally leave it all behind.

Edward Elric desired one thing right now, to be free from all the torture. To be free from it all. To live in harmony. _To run away from it all._ Which is exactly what Ed planned to do. Run away from everything.

He packed his bags in the dead of night. Ready to free himself from the cage. He needed to release himself from hell. Alphonse didn't know. He asked his younger brother to stay in Risembool with Granny Pinako and Winry. He left Roy a letter, briefly explaining why he was leaving, but carefully made sure that he did not mention where he would be going. Not that it mattered, Edward himself did not know where he was going.

Ed was thinking he would just wander around aimlessly, until he came across a small town that would not recognize him as Edward Elric, Fullmetal Alchemist, Dog of the Military.

Somewhere he could start anew. That's what Ed was searching for, That was his new goal.

He couldn't stay here any longer, the very air was suffocating him, it was hard to breath. He was constantly weighed down by his errors and mistakes. The guilt. He couldn't move on, couldn't move forward. The teen couldn't take it any longer, he needed to set himself free.

Edward had been planning this for a while now, each day the air became thicker. It took a while to convince his younger brother to leave him. And as soon as Edward managed that, there was nothing holding him back. Nothing at all.

He would soon forget of his mistakes and sins, release the guilt. Then he could be happy. Truly happy. Without anything dragging him down. That's what he lived for, this very day, where he would leave it behind.

He checked his suitcase for what seemed like the millionth time. But it had to be perfect. Opening the trunks lid, he examined the items inside.

Traveling clothes. Money. Alchemy books. A small amount of food. A picture with Al, his mother and himself, all smiling, back in the days where nothing was difficult, there was no heavy emotional stress. When the only problems where who would get to play with the new toy first.

But soon, Ed could feel like that again, no problems, carefree, peaceful.

Sure, it was hard to leave Al behind, but this would be better for him too, After all, what kind of person would want to hang around the guy who _took your body_? Even if they were brothers.

So he had to do it. He really had no choice. He had to escape. There was no option. Ed had thought of other ways to escape from the pain. But his mind always came back to this thought. So that was it. This was the _only option he had left._

He knew Roy would try to stop him, that's why he waited until the Colonel had left the office to drop the letter on his desk. He could find it in the morning. It would be to late then. Edward would already be gone.

But Ed had thought it would be too cruel, to leave all the sudden without telling Roy he had left, and that Roy wouldn't ever see him again. And the young alchemist couldn't say that in person. He couldn't say it to the face of his father figure, he knew the look he'd get, he knew he'd get the look of utter disappointment, And Ed also knew, that if he saw that look on Roy's face, he might loose all his nerve and stay, trapped, in that suffocating place.

Another reason he was leaving was the feeling of being utterly alone. He knew he had Al and Roy but, with Al he felt as though he needed to be strong for him. Which he did, it was his _job_ of being a big brother. And Roy, he couldn't tell Roy anything, even though he was the father figure in his life, he was too afraid of what Roy would think of him after knowing. So that brought him back to his plan.

Running away. The time was now.

And with that thought, Edward walked out the door of the small apartment he once shared with his brother.

**Please review! Chapter two coming EXTREMELY SOON! **

**Until next chapter!**

**xoxo,**

** HDA**


	2. I Won't Let You

**Dedicated To My Friends: FireAnne47, Artimus Suzuki, Spoot Poot and BelieveYouAre  
**

**Disclaimer: As much as I wish I did, I do not own FMA**

**Read And Review Please!**

**Chapter 2:**

_I Won't Let You._

'_Oh my God' _That's the only thought that could form in Roy Mustangs mind when he came, in the middle of the night to his office, to pick up something he left behind, he couldn't even remember what that thing was, after coming in and seeing a single white envelope with 'Roy Mustang' written on it with the same messy hand writing he was used to seeing after years of reading reports with the same sloppy scrawl- on his desk.

He read the letter again. Ed's voice echoing in his mind.

'_Dear Colonel Roy Mustang,_

_ By the time you read this it will be too late, for if I'm correct, it will be morning.' _

Roy stopped there, it wasn't morning, maybe it wasn't too late, he continued reading the letter, his heart beating faster with every eerie sentence.

'_To put it simply, I'm leaving, For good, You will never see me again, If I can help it. You didn't do anything wrong, It was me. All me. It was all my fault, just like everything has been since Mom died.'_

Roy frowned. Not everything was the kids fault. But Roy was still growing progressively worried. What did this mean?

'_I'm leaving to a place, I can't tell you. For I, myself don't know. But I will tell you why I'm leaving. I'm leaving everything behind. The guilt. The pain. The memories. I'm leaving it all behind.'_

No. Ed couldn't just... leave, could he? This has to be a joke. But Roy knew, this time... It wasn't just for fun and games.

_'Thanks for everything, Mustang, I mean it. Thanks for hiring me. Thanks for protecting me. Thanks for being there for me, no matter how many dead ends I came across. But most of all, thanks for being the father that bastard never could be.' _

Roy's jaw practically dropped to the floor at the last sentence, sure, he considered the boy his son. But the Colonel always expected it was a one way feeling. He never imagined that Ed would think of him as a father. That made the rest of the letter even more difficult to finish.

_'And also, one last thank you. Thank you for being such a bastard over the years._ _This letter means I'm leaving you behind but I won't forget you._

_ Love, _

_ Your son, Edward.'_

His son said goodbye, but he didn't and he wouldn't. He wouldn't let this be goodbye. He wouldn't let there be a goodbye. Roy had to get Ed back. Needed to get Ed back.

He couldn't let it end this way. Roy folded the letter, put it back in the envelope and locked it in the third drawer in his mahogany desk.

Roy grabbed his favorite black coat, buttoned it up, for he was sure it was cold outside. Pulled on his ignition gloves, just in case Ed got in to trouble (which he always seems to) and left a note for Riza, stating that he was looking for Fullmetal and to not worry but he might not be back until late tomorrow and to make sure everyone gets there work done but Roy made sure to mention that she can't tell any one of his subordinates where he went to or that Fullmetal was missing.

He needed to find Edward, he needed to find his son. Before it was too late. And with that thought, he walked out of the office he and his subordinates still shared.

**Chapter 3 coming VERY SOON!  
**

**READ AND REVIEW PLEASE!**


	3. Let It All Go

**Dedicated To My Friends: ****FireAnne47, Artimus Suzuki, Spoot Poot and BelieveYouAre**

**Disclaimer: I dont own FMA**

**Read and Review please!  
**

**Chapter 3:**

_Let It All Go_

_Clap!_ Ed transmuted his automail arm into the usual blade, but this time, the purpose for the blade was different. This time it wasn't for defense or offense. This time it was for himself.

Just to prove to himself how determined about this he was, Ed made a promise to himself. The second he walked out the door, this promise came into effect. And he just passed doorway.

The promise was simple, each block on the streets in Central he walked, he would cut one slash on his flesh wrist. And if he died of blood lose, then it meant he wasn't supposed to be alive any longer and he believed he would be sent straight to hell. Which is where he believed he should be right after he died.

But however, if he made it out of Central without dying, he would go on his way to find a quiet town.

It was that simple.

So here Ed; the Hero of the People was now, with nine cuts on his left wrist.

Nine blocks, nine cuts. Simple. That's how he wanted everything to be. Simple.

He didn't really mind which way he left Central. If it was death or escaping, it did not matter to him.

But the last thing he wanted was to fall unconscious. Then he couldn't escape. He'd be trapped again. So it was do or die. Literally. Escaping or dying.

However, now he was starting to get dizzy from all the lost blood. But he had to keep going forward, pushing himself to the limit. Another block. One more slash. The whole world was spinning around him in his eyes.

He wanted to sit down, more than anything, but he couldn't allow himself to do that.

_'Push forward, push forward. Leave it all behind.'_ It was a mantra, repeating in his mind. He whispered it under his breath. That was what he had to do. Push forward, leave it all behind. That is what he has to do to leave the cage. It was that simple.

Yet another block, yet another slash. His wrist was dyed red, skin unnoticeable under the red. Red, his favorite color. Red the color of fire. Fire. Flame. Flame Alchemist. Roy.

His thoughts wandered to Roy whenever he looked at his wrist, which was generally every block.

_'I wonder what Roy will think. When he comes in to work tomorrow and sees the letter I wrote him. Will he be sad? I wonder, I wonder...'_

But he kept pushing his feet forward. He was stumbling over his boot clad feet.

He was sure he was moving about the same pace of a snail that was glued to the ground. But little by little he moved forward, his pace getting slower and slower with each drop of blood that fell from his sliced wrist.

Spinning and spinning, everything was double. In his eyes, he had four feet, and there were two streets.

It wasn't until he heard footsteps, and his name being called that he started to run. But his efforts were in vain, when he tripped over a small rock, that if he had not lost so much blood, wouldn't have tripped over. He did not call out when he started falling towards the sidewalk. Put however, there was a large clank as his right arm and left leg hit the bricks.

The footsteps where coming closer. The voice was louder. Escape. His mind was screaming at him to get up and run. But his body was yelling in protest, telling him to lie down and rest his weary body. And his heart... his heart was telling him to go to the voice, the footsteps. For he knew who they belonged to.

He knew they belonged to Colonel Roy Mustang.

But instead of listening to his heart or body, he shakily got up and walked farther, farther from the voice. Twelfth block. Twelfth slash.

Stumbling forward, he walked on. But again, his efforts in vain. For the voice was coming closer. Closer. Ed needed to escape faster.

He turned down a random alley that cut through to another block. Block means slash. Thirteenth.

He just turned the corner of the next street when he heard the voice call out to him again. The voice was in the alley. The voice was Roy. Roy was in the alley. Roy was looking for him.

Before his brain could realize what he was doing his feet halted to a stop.

_'Let Roy find you. Let him come for you.'_

_'No! I can't! I can't let him find me! I can't let him trap me! I need to be free!'_

_'What are you talking about? Roy would never do that to you! He's practically your father! He's looking for you!'_

Ed's mind was raging war within his brain. Giving him a pounding headache in the process. He didn't know what to do... Move forward, and lose Roy? Or turn back, and keep Roy?

The footsteps were one street behind him, Ed could tell.

_'But Roy can't be that close yet! I haven't decided!'_

It was too much. Too much thinking. Too many options.

And with that, Edward let out an ear splitting scream into the dark cloudless night.

**Chapter Four coming SOON!**

**Read and Review please! The more reviews, the faster the next chapter will come!**

**And here's a important question! (put your answer in your review or PM it to me)**

**SHOULD I MAKE IT END NEXT CHAPTER? OR KEEP GOING? You decide!**

**Xoxo,**

** HDA**


	4. You Can't Go

**Dedicated To My Friends: FireAnne47, Artimus Suzuki, Spoot Poot, BelieveYouAre and all my other reviewers!  
**

**Disclaimer! I do not own FMA**

**Read and Review please!**

**Chapter Four:**

_You Can't Go_

Roy was panting for breath. But he didn't stop running.

'_Have to find him. Have to find Ed.'_ was repeating on a endless loop in his skull. He had a trail. But not the type of trail he would have liked. A trail of blood. '_Well I would have much rather had to follow bread crumbs...' _Roy sighed. It was just like him to have his petty humor come out at the worst of times.

He was calling out for Edward. But he knew he wouldn't reply, so Roy just followed the blood.

Roy's level of worry was sky rocketing. Obviously Ed was bleeding, but how? Why? Who? How much? Where? Was the kid attacked? If so, was it the homunculi? At one point in his little adventure, Roy came across a puddle of blood on the ground '_looks like the kid tripped'_ was what Roy thought at the time.

But Roy discovered a rather disturbing pattern, each block, the amount of blood left behind increased... _'That doesn't mean... No! Ed would never do that to himself! He's not that kind of kid!'_

His mind would not let the thoughts end there.

_'But you also thought that Ed wasn't the type of kid to run away either.'_

_'Shut up! I need to find Fullmetal!'_

_'But why would he leave you an envelope for you to discover in the morning if he **did** want you to find him? What if you are not doing the right thing? Ed said he wanted to be free, and here you are trying to "trap" him again... What kind of father does that to their son?'_

_'A good one... Ed can't run off. I won't let him. He can't go.'_

_'Why can't he go?'_

_'BECAUSE I DON'T WANT HIM TO!'_

_'My, my. Well aren't you just a selfish thing...'_

_'No, I believe this will be best for Edward as well.'_

Roy turned the corner into a alley. But still his mind would not rest.

'_You_ **_believe_**_ that's the right thing... But shouldn't Ed be able to make his own choices in life.'_

_'But I won't let him make stupid choices! He's made enough of those!'_

'_Fine. But if Edward hates you for this afterwards for holding him back... Don't complain to me.'_

And then the voice stopped. But it left him thinking. '

_'What if this was the right thing for Edward? What if he hates me for finding him? Should I continue after him?'_

Those questions were answered when he heard a blood curdling scream emit in the darkness.

"EDWARD!" Roy yelled.

He sprinted with adrenaline he didn't know he had. He did **not **like the sad sight that greeted him. Ed was lying on the sidewalk, swimming in a pool of his own blood. His automail blade was covered in the red liquid as was his left wrist.

'_Oh. My. God. I was right.'_

He had never wished more in his life that he would have been wrong.

"Fullmetal? Fullmetal? Ah damn, ED!" in a second Roy was next to the bleeding teen. Roy picked up the blood-covered wrist. Ed was to weak from blood lose that he couldn't protest the action. Even in the dark the Colonel could see thirteen defined slashes across his wrist.

"Edward, it's okay... just stay awake! I'll take you to the hospital!"

Ed replied in a whisper. "No damn _breath_ hospitals... I'm fine..." Ed's eyelids started to close.

"DAMN IT YOU ARE NOT OKAY! YOU'RE GOING TO BLEED TO DEATH!" when he saw Fullmetal's eyelids starting to drift shut he panicked "EDWARD DON'T YOU DARE FALL ASLEEP! NOT NOW! DON'T SHUT YOUR EYES."

"But... I'm so... damn tired... can I sleep dad?" Now Roy was wondering how out of it the blonde really was. But he snapped out of his thoughts when his eyelids closed. He quickly grabbed both of Ed's shoulders and shaking them violently. Roy was panicking, what if Ed died?

"NO YOU CAN'T SLEEP EDWARD!" At the sound of his voice Ed's eyes opened half-way.

"Dad?"

Roy paused before answering "Yes... son?"

"Why... did... you... come? Why didn't... you just... leave me...?"

Roy answered honestly. "Because... I didn't want to let my only son run away from me."

Ed managed a small smile "Dad, if you... still insist... on taking... me somewhere... make sure... its not a hospital..." And then Ed slipped in to the clutches of unconsciousness.

Roy panicked, but calmed after seeing Ed was still breathing. Barely breathing, but still.

'_Where do I take him? My house is too far away... RIZA! She lives close to here!'_

Mustang quickly picked up the injured boy, and having a burst of adrenaline, sprinted to Riza's apartment complex. Racing up the stairs he came to her apartment number and repeatedly kicked the door, seeing as he had no hands to knock with.

The door opened and he was greeted to a gun, aimed for his head. "Hey! Riza!"

"Oh sorry sir! When I heard the noise the door, I grabbed my gun... just in case."

"RIZA I NEED HELP!"

It was then Riza saw the bleeding Edward in her Colonels arms. "Oh my god! put him on my bed!" She ran to the bathroom to get the first aid kit. Hayate, being the ever loyal dog, woke up from his slumber and sat right next to Edward on the bed, as if protecting him.

"What happened to Edward?"

The colonel seemed to stutter before coming out and spilling everything about the letter, running away, cutting himself, everything.

Riza gasped after hearing the story. "Poor boy... but we need to help him before he dies." She walked to the bedside, the sheets of the bed stained red. She gently picked up the wrist and examined it. She held his arm in one hand and with the other she swiftly opened the first aid kit and examined the contents quickly before picking out a disinfectant spray and, not so gently spraying it all along the cuts.

Edward woke up with a jolt of pain through his wrist. His golden eyes opening with a start. "I was hoping that would wake you up." A feminine voice said from his side. He slowly turned and saw First Lieutenant Hawkeye. With her blonde hair down and around her shoulders, clad in plain sky blue pajamas, holding his wrist and gauze bandages.

Seeing the bandages made him remember his mission "NO DON'T!" he started frantically trying to free his wrist, but Riza would not release.

"Don't what?" She said her chocolate eyes narrowing.

"DON'T BANDAGE MY WOUNDS!" He started pulling harder trying to free his limb, but still Riza would not let it go, and gripped it tighter, careful not to touch the wounds.

"And why not?" Riza asked in her commanding lieutenant voice.

"BECAUSE I WANT TO DIE!"

**Chapter five coming VERY SOON!**

**Read and Review!**

**QUESTION for my people (lol idk)**

**How much longer should I continue this story?**

**Reply in a review or PM.**


	5. For Tonight Anyway

**Dedicated To My Friends: FireAnne47, Artimus Suzuki, Spoot Poot, BelieveYouAre, Awesomenaruto and all my other reviewers!**

**Disclaimer: I Don't own FMA**

**Read and Review Please! **

**Chapter Five:**

_For Tonight Anyway _

_Roy_ and Riza exchanged glances. They feared it might be true. They feared that would be what he wanted. And their fears came true.

'_He wants to die? No... It can't be, he can't be serious. He has too much to live for. Too many people to live for."_ Roy thought with despair. Riza decided to speak to the depressed teen.

"Come on Edward, you can't mean that..." Riza spoke in a soft voice Roy had only heard a few times, mostly when she was talking to Ed.

Ed stared down in his lap shook his head "...But I do mean it." He whispered back.

The first lieutenant decided she needed to do something, anything to help the poor kid. So, throwing all caution to the wind, the woman gently pulled the boy into a hug against her chest.

"Edward?" She whispered softly in the boys ear

"Hmm?" He replied in acknowledgment

"Would you please stay with me? Just for a little bit?"

Ed gasped and looked upwards into her brown eyes. "Y-you mean live with you?"

She nodded. Roy was simply watching from where he was standing in the floor, a distance away from them, but close enough to hear.

"B-but why?" Ed said softly

When Riza failed to reply in the immediate moment, Ed assumed the worst

"Your- Your trying to keep me on suicide watch aren't you? So you and Colonel Bastard's jobs aren't in trouble? RIGHT? IS THAT IT?" Ed's voice got louder every word, and he started frantically trying to force himself away from Riza, but the woman had a vice grip on him.

Roy was taken aback._ "How could Ed think that after all this time? Does Edward really think I'm just using him for gaining ranks?" _

Before Roy could open his mouth to protest, Riza beat him to it.

"No Edward that's not it." Her voice was calm and collected, but it seemed that she was struggling with her emotions.

"Then what? What is it?" His voice was a different matter, it was a mix between sadness, anger and betrayal.

"Ed, it's simple." She paused and then continued, "Your like family to me. And to Roy too."

Ed's eyes widened in shock. '_Family? Could it be true...?'_

Roy spoke as if reading the blondes mind. "Yes Fullm- Edward. It's true. I do think of you as a- um- son. And I know Riza thinks of you as family too. And I already know what you think of me." Smirk. Ed blushed, just remembering what the letter had said.

Riza spoke next "So, Edward? Will you?"

Ed smiled, barely, but it was there. "Yeah... I guess so."

"Lieutenant!"

"Yes sir?" She released Ed and stood to salute to her colonel.

"I have your orders." Smirk.

'_Oh. God. No. He smirked. Damn that smirk.'_ She thought mock self pityingly, before replying "Sir, what are they?"_  
_

_'Sometimes... I love my job.' _He thought before smirking _again_ and stating "Your orders are to prepare for Fullmetal and myself to stay here."

Riza gaped at him before quickly regaining her stoic composure. "For how long sir?" She said almost menacingly

"I'm... Not sure yet. But don't look at me like that, Hawkeye, you _are_ the one who invited us to stay."

The first lieutenant glared at him before asking "Permission to speak freely?"

He sighed '_Ah hell, what have I gotten myself into?' _"Permission granted, lieutenant."

Riza continued to glare. "I invited _Edward_ here. I don't ever recall inviting _you_ to stay."

The corner of Roy's lip twitched upward, into the trademark smirk. "Correction, Lieutenant. Where ever Fullmetal goes, I go as well. So inviting him was a indirect invite to me."

Ed just watched silently in amusement, he knew where this was going. And being the prodigy he is, he also knew that the two liked eachother. A lot more then they let on.

"I don't see how, Sir" Riza said

Roy sighed again "Just nevermind. Those are your orders. Besides, it's late anyway."

Riza walked off to find sleeping bags for the two as a temporary arrangement.

Roy decided to lighten the mood. "Hey Ed? Do you often stay up late?"

Ed nodded.

"That explains everything."

Edward gave the colonel a puzzled look "What does it explain?"

Roy glanced at the small teen "Well you see, lack of sleep can affect your growth."

Ed's eyes widened before narrowing in anger "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT THEY COULD DROWN IN A RAINDROP?"

Roy smiled, "You, of course." Ed threw a hatred filled glare in his direction. In all honesty, Roy was glad that the blonde still reacted that way. If he didn't Riza and himself would have to be worried. Well, they were worried already, so more worried.

Ed was confused. Was it funny when he yelled at the older man? 'Cause Ed would have _sworn _the colonel was smiling. Not smirking. Smiling.

Riza walked from where she was watching the two. Smiling softly she handed the males their sleeping bags. They both unrolled them and unzipped the side of the bags before both slipping in. Riza walked to the light switch before, being uncharacteristically joking, turned to face Edward and asked him

"Ed? Do you want to borrow a nightgown I had when I was your age? It might fit you..." Looking him over she added "Or it might be a bit big..."

Ed rewarded her with a dark glare and Roy started laughing behind his hand.

Fullmetal yelled at the dark haired man "WHATS SO FUNNY?!"

Roy answered in between his badly hidden laughs "Noth- _laugh_- ing- _snicker_." _  
_

Ed gave him a look that could send Oliver Mira Armstrong running for the hills. Roy gulped before saying "Nothing at all, Fullmetal. Hawkeye, turn out the lights. And Fullmetal, go to sleep."

When the lights were turned out and Hawkeye was sleeping silently and Mustang snoring softly Ed was left in his thoughts

'_I could end it now. I could run away...' _Ed took another glance at the sleeping Riza before shifting his gaze to the snoring Roy _'But... I don't want to... I'll stay here..._

He turned on hisside and promptly fell asleep with one last thought _'For tonight anyway_.'

**Read and Review Please!**

**Chapter six coming soon!**

**~IMPORTANT~ If you have a good idea for something that you would like to see in the story, please PM it to me and I will try to fit it in! From Fluff to Angst its all good.**


	6. Alone, Just For Now

**Dedicated To My Friends:FireAnne47, Artimus Suzuki, Spoot Poot, BelieveYouAre, Awesomenaruto and all my other reviewers!**

**Disclaimer: I Dont Own FMA**

**Read And Review Please**

**Chapter Six:**

_Alone Just For Now_

It had been three days since that night, and Edward was slowly becoming his old self again and to Roy's pleasure, seemed to trust both Roy and Riza more then the boy had before 'the incident'.

Ed had skillfully dodged the questions and switched topics when asked "Why did you do that?" or something to that affect.

Now the make-shift 'family' was sitting in Riza's kitchen preparing breakfast that consists of scrambled eggs, waffles and bacon. After putting the plate of bacon on the table, Roy took his respective spot at the table.

"So did you get a good nights sleep?" Riza asked while putting a small amount of maple syrup on her waffle.

Roy nodded in agreement and Riza her head to look at Ed, waiting for the answer.

"Yeah..." Ed said just above a whisper '_Lies. Why am I lying to them?"_

"Oh, thats good." Riza replied, but it was obvious she was thinking something else. Roy and Riza exchanged glances, almost as if to say "You think he's lying too?"

'_Now why would he lie?' _Roy thought in confusion. He knew the blonde didn't tell him everything, and he wasn't expecting him to, yet anyways.

_'What could be so bad about how he slept last night?' _Riza pondered the question while cutting her waffle.

"Can I be excused?" Ed asked quietly.

"But you've barely eaten..." Riza reminded him gently.

"I-I'm not hungry. So can I go?"

The adults nodded in sync to each other. Ed gathered his plate and put his barely touched food in the trashcan and placed his used plate in the sink. He left the room, his shoulders slumped visibly. The lieutenant and colonel stared at each other silently, until they heard the shower turn on. Knowing it was safe to have a conversation, Roy spoke first.

"Riza... What was that? I don't understand..." He said softly.

"I don't know Roy... But its disconcerting, thats for sure." Riza replied

Roy shook his head in agreement. "So what can we do about it?

Riza shook her head sadly "I-I don't know. But I do know I want to help him..."

"I do to. And I will."

The nodded together as an agreement. The shower turned off. Roy got up to put both of their dishes in the sink and started washing them, hoping it looked like they weren't just talking about him when he came back into the kitchen. But Ed didn't come back in the kitchen. Edward walked to the living room and sat on the floor, his head in his hands. _'It looks like he's deep in thought'_, Roy observed '_But he better snap out of it soon. I don't want him to be like this forever. If he doesn't knock out in a couple hours. I'll knock him out of it myself.'_

And Roy kept true to his words. Four hours later after Riza had left to go buy more food for the hungry males and herself, The blonde had made no motion to move from his position on the floor, Roy walked over to him.

"Ed. Come on. Get up, you can't stay like that all day."

Ed made no sign of having heard the colonel.

"Edward, get up. _Now." _Said the now irritated man.

Still, Edward did not move.

"Fullmetal, Get up now! Thats an order!"

When the teen still did not move, Roy forcefully grabbed the boy and pulled him up to his feet. Ed made a squeak, showing he was indeed, alive.

"Fullmetal! I will not tolerate you lying around the house all day! You need to get off you lazy ass and do something!"

Ed's reply came at just above a whisper "Leave me alone. I want to be alone." And he then looked at the floor, his bangs covering the golden orbs.

Roy lost his patience. "I'M NOT LEAVING A SUICIDAL TEEN HOME ALONE! YOU MIGHT END UP FINISHING THE JOB _YOU_ _FAILED__ LAST TIME!" _The man yelled at the blonde.

Ed audibly gasped. "Fine... If that's how you feel..." He whispered angrily "Then I'll leave _you_ alone instead" and the short blonde walked away from Roy.

Not understanding what he meant, Roy simply dismissed the terrible feeling lurking over him and walked to the bathroom to get in the shower. Even though he was useless in water, showers were a nice exception to the fact he hated the water.**  
**

Dropping his clothes on the floor and stepping inside, he turned the temperature knob to the highest level. After all, the Flame Alchemist did like things hot.

He was so busy fuming over Fullmetal in the shower that... He didn't even notice the front door of Riza's apartment open and close.

Or hear the teen that had just whispered "Goodbye..."

**(I was going to end here... But today I'm feeling nice :D)**

Roy's shower was interupted by a large banging on the bathroom door, figuring it was Ed, who he felt guilty for yelling at him like that, hastily turned off the shower and wrapped the fluffy white towel around his waste.

Pulling open the bathroom door he was greeted by the sight of Riza. A _panicked_ and _worried _Riza. She spoke two words. But those two words sent fear and guilt coursing through him. "Where's Edward?"

He stuttered. "I-I don't know... Y-you mean he- he's not here?"

Her brown eyes widened as she shook her head.

Roy felt the worry, panic and guilt pulsing in him. "W-where did he go?" '_And why did he go?'_

"I-I don't know, sir. I came back from the store and his shoes were gone and he wasn't here." Riza looked down at the floor before looking back up into the obsidian orbs. "What happened after I left?"

Realization hit him like a ton of bricks.

_"I'M NOT LEAVING A SUICIDAL TEEN HOME ALONE! YOU MIGHT END UP FINISHING THE JOB YOU FAILED LAST TIME!" The man yelled at the blonde._

_Ed audibly gasped. "Fine... If that's how you feel..." He whispered angrily "Then I'll leave you alone instead"_

He did it. He made Edward run away. It was all his fault. Everything. Edward could be dead right now. And it's all his fault. Noticing his expression, the lieutenant asked "What happened when I was gone? What did you say to him?"

Roy spilled everything. About Ed sulking to where Roy stormed off to the shower. The woman gasped. "How- How could you?"

The man lowered his head "I- I don't know. I was mad."

Riza's face turned to one of fury. "How could you _possibly_ get mad at him? He wasn't doing anything wrong! He may have been silent and not acknowleged you, but you had no reason to say what you did to the poor boy!"

Roy's head remand directed at the floor "I- I know..."

"That was just heartless!"

"I know..."

Riza gasped and Roy looked up to see what caused that reaction from his most trusted lieutenant, who he may have a crush on. "Roy... When you were yelling at Ed... Did you really say... "You might end up finishing the job you _failed_ last time?"

Roy nodded slowly... What was she getting at?

The blonde woman finished her thoughts, her face showing worry "What- what if he... he succeeds? What if he does _finish_ the job he "failed" last time? You- You know how much Ed hates failing... And yet you still said that to him..."

Roy felt as if he had just been slapped in the face, punched in the stomach and kicked in _that _area all at the same time. Ed _did_ hate failing. How could he say such a thing to the boy? What if he just drove the boy to suicide?

"Sir, you need to dress now. We are going out looking for him. Before anything can happen."

He rushed to the bag where his casual clothes were. After picking out acceptable attire, he went to the bathroom to change He was really starting to understand why Fullmetal always called him a "Heartless Colonel Bastard." He was. No doubt about it. He, himself even acknowledged himself at that title.

Clad in a dark long sleeve shirt and long khakis (for it was winter after all) he walked out of the bathroom and walked to where Riza was and they exchanged a nod that spoke volumes. The Colonel walked to the door, silently slipping on his shoes, Riza following closely behind him and putting on her own shoes.

And they walked out the door. In search of the small blonde teen, who was out there all alone, in a snowstorm.

All alone... But not for much longer.

No. After this, never again would he be alone.

They would both make sure of it.

But Edward was alone, just for now.

**Chapter Seven coming soon!**

**Sorry this took so long... I've been busy with school and all...**

**Read and Review! **

**Love,**

**HDA**


	7. Without A Second Thought

**Dedicated To My Friends:FireAnne47, Artimus Suzuki, Spoot Poot, BelieveYouAre, Awesomenaruto and Topdog12 and all my other reviewers!**

**Disclaimer: I dont own FMA**

**Read And Review Please!**

**Sorry this chapters kinda short. The next chapter will be longer!**

**Chapter Seven:**

_Without A Second Thought_

As soon as Riza's apartment door was closed, Ed raced out the entrance of the complex and into the just beginning snow storm. As he walked down the empty, snow filled streets, he started mumbling to himself. A habit he picked up a while ago.

"If Mustang doesn't wanna be near me, then I'll go ahead and do him the favor of making sure he never sees me again. I did tell him I was going to leave him alone... I can't help he ignored my warning." He muttered angrily. His tone softened "But what about Hawkeye?... How will she feel when she comes home and I'm just... _gone?_ Will she be mad?" His voice returned to being full of fury and... betrayal. "We'll she just has Mustang to blame for that."

The snow was coming down harder, and the wind was picking up, blowing his coat and golden braid towards the right.

"How could he? I treated him like family... And all this time he's just thought of me as a _suicidal failure?" _As much as he didn't want to admit, that is what Roy had said to him. "I may have been suicidal, but... I just wanted to be free... But with all this snow, I can't get out of central, and my suitcase is back at Riza's... I could go without it... But it has that picture in it. So I'll stay in Central for a while, wait till the Colonels and Lieutenants next work day, and sneak in and get it back! Perfect!"

But somehow, the thought of returning to the apartment he's called home for the last couple days, without Riza and Roy, disappointed him somehow.

'_Ed! Snap out of it! Roy didn't care when you said you were leaving, so obviously he doesn't... doesn't care... about you..." _Considering the fact the Colonel really didn't care about him, gave Ed a sick feeling to his stomach.

'_Okay, Where do I go from, here? I can't go to Risembool. I can't go to Hughes...' _Ed choked back a sob at the thought of Maes Hughes. '_I can't go to headquarters, and anyone there would probably just call Colonel Bastard anyway."_

"I guess I'll just have to wander around a bit..." He mumbled to himself progressing towards another empty, snow filled street. The wind was harsh against his face, but he ignored the stinging pain as the snow hit his eyes.

Thirty minutes later, he came across an alley. Now he recognized it. It was the same alley. From _that_ night. Right before Roy got to him. He could tell, the blood on the concrete was still visible. _'My blood...' _No matter how hard he tried, the words the Colonel spoke would not leave his thoughts, repeating over and over. Echoing in his head._  
_

_"YOU MIGHT END UP FINISHING THE JOB YOU FAILED LAST TIME!" _Ed didn't like to admit it, but those words hurt him. Deeply. He was supposed to be strong, The great Fullmetal Alchemist; Hero of The People, alchemy prodigy, youngest state alchemist in history, and the words from his superior officer had him on the verge of tears.

"Pathetic." Ed said self loathing as he sat next to a trashcan in the alley. He sat there, hating himself, hating the guilt, snow piling around him and on top of him. As he thought about his failures, and the words Roy said to him, he cried, softly and silently. Crystal tears cascading down his freezing cheeks, until he fell asleep, the mountain of snow burying his petite figure underneath.

**(With Roy and Riza)**

The snow was coming harder, in larger amounts. The city was blanketed white. The temperature was steadily dropping, Roy pulled his black coat tighter against himself, as did Riza with her own coat.

But they would not go back. Not without Ed. And Ed was out here. Alone. In the blizzard. Guilt pulsed through Roy, making his stomach churn. What if something happened to him? What if he died of hypothermia? Roy would never be able to forgive himself. Never. And what about Alphonse? Roy was well aware that the younger Elric was in Resembool with Fullmetal's mechanic and her grandmother.

The worried adults pushed through the snow that was gathering up in a thick layer on the Central streets.

_'We need to find Ed.'_

_'I know, sir'_

_'I'm not going back without him.'_

_'I would hope not, sir.'_

Night was falling and the natural light of the golden sun was fading. '_Golden sun. Golden eyes. Golden hair. I'm coming Ed.' _The Colonel could not get the young teen off of his mind, the mixture of guilt and worry was eating at him the more steps they took. "FULLMETAL WHEREVER YOU ARE YOU BETTER GET BACK HERE SOON OR I _WILL_ COURT MARTIAL YOUR ASS _SO_ BADLY!" Roy yelled to the wind.

Roy passed an alley, not paying it any attention.

He got a feeling from the alley, and recalling it as the alley he ran through a fortnight ago, following the trail of blood from Edward's wrist. But dismissed the eerie feeling and kept walking forward, past the trashcan, where on the other side...

There was a golden boy with frozen automail, unable to move.

Buried alive in the snow.

And falling into the clutches of unconsciousness.

As Roy walked past, without a second thought.

**Oh cliffhanger! **

**What will happen to Ed? Will they find him in time? Whats happening next?**

**Chapter Eight coming soon!**

**Read and Review!**


	8. And It's All His Fault

**Dedicated To My Friends:FireAnne47, Artimus Suzuki, Spoot Poot, BelieveYouAre, Awesomenaruto and Topdog12 and all my other reviewers!**

**Disclaimer: I dont own FMA**

**Read And Review Please! Longest Chapter!**

**Chapter Eight:**

_And Its All His Fault_

Roy walked farther, until he reached the street where he found the collapsed Edward that night. He couldn't get it out of his mind. It was disconcerting to say in the least. Every time he took a step farther from the alleys direction, his mind kept telling him to turn back.

There was at least 3 to 4 feet of snow on the ground, and Roy couldn't remember the last time Central had a storm this bad, it was relatively rare after all that the weather would be so horrible.

Roy was at the corner where the next street was. He couldn't take it. The alley was in the front of his mind, but he didn't understand why. He made up his mind. "Riza!"

"Yes, sir?" came the reply

"We're turning around!"

Riza did not question his orders and simply followed him as he made his move to turn back to the alley.

'_Why? What is with this alley? I don't understand... What could be it be I mean its not like Edw-'_

There was a large pile of snow next to a trashcan. Roy knew what it was, but prayed to the god that he didn't believe in that he was wrong.

Riza noticed his gaze on the pile and they ran to it. Hands trembling with fear for their youngest subordinate, they dug through the snow pile as fast as their shaking hands could.

"My god... no... no" Riza whispered.

Thats when Roy saw it. Even in the darkness of the light, the moon illuminated the shine of golden hair. And a vibrant red coat. Roy's eyes widened. No. This couldn't be happening. And it was all Roy's fault.

Roy dug out the frozen boy faster then he knew possible, cradling the small teen in his arms, he started running down the end of the alley.

"Riza! We got to get him to the hospital!"

He could hear Riza's footsteps crunching the snow as she ran next to him. Under the moonlight, Roy examined Edward.

His lips were blue. His skin was sickly pale. His eyes had dark shadows underneath. And he was barely breathing. That motivated Roy to run faster ignoring the protests of his legs.

He had no traction on the snow and his shoes caused him to slip frequently. But he couldn't stop running. Not till Ed was warm in a hospital bed. Safe. Warm. _Alive._

Crossing streets and turning corners he raced to the Central hospital, not even checking if Riza was still behind him.

Ed's health was more important right now. With another sharp turn, Roy almost crashed into the wall ahead of him. He pushed himself through the snow, his hands and feet had long ago gone numb, not that it mattered. Ed mattered.

Two streets left. Then theres the hospital. But the freezing teen condition was not getting better, in fact, it was getting progressively worse. The boy's skin color was competing with the snow. His automail arm was dangling uselessly. _'Damn. I hadn't even thought of that. Damn. Damn. DAMN! He mentioned something earlier this year didn't he, when he went to Briggs? He said something about automail giving the skin around the ports frost bite. DAMNIT!'_

The Colonel cursed his way the rest of the way to the hospital. Arriving at the building Fullmetal hated most, he promptly pounded on the doors until a nurse came opening the door "I'm sorry sir, the hospital is closed, due to weather."

Roys eye twitched and narrowed into a glare as he pushed his way past the shocked nurse and inside the white building that smelled of death and antibiotics.

"Sir, did you not hear me? We are clo-"

Roy shut her up with a terrifying glare "I am Colonel Roy Mustang, Flame Alchemist, and my subordinate needs medical attention now! Thats an order!"

The nurse moved her gaze from the furious obsidian eyes and to the young boy in his arms. "Oh my god! DOCTER! WE NEED A DOCTER STAT!"

A man in a white coat came racing down the hall. "Come this way!" The doctor yelled, running into the closest emergency room. Without speaking, Roy hastily followed the man.

Placing Ed on the white bed, he turned towards the doctor. "Save him. Thats an order."

The doctor was hesitant before stating "We'll do everything we can."

Roy turned out of the room, letting the doctors and nurses heal Fullmetal.

He wanted to stay with Ed and watch over him, more than anything. But he knew his presence would just hinder the doctors work.

He arrived in the waiting room, his least favorite room in the world, for he was not a patient man. He was greeted with a worried Riza sitting in the uncomfortable chairs, fiddling with her hands. He can barely remember anytime, previous this event, where he had ever seen her this anxious.

But he understood. He felt the same way, if not more so. But he was good at keeping a calm demeanor. That was one of his expertise. You don't become a Colonel without knowing how to keep your face impassive.

"Well?" Her voice was pure fear, which brought Roy out of his thoughts.

"They said they'll do everything they can."

Riza's eyes narrowed in a glare. "If he's not okay by the end of this, They'll all have my gun to apologize to."

Roy didn't doubt it either. He knew she held a soft spot for Edward, much as he and his other subordinates did. You can't not have a soft spot for the kid, after knowing what he's been through.

He and everyone else in the office, thought of Ed as family. They were family. Even if Ed wasn't aware of it, he had a family. A family who cared for him very much. Speaking of which, he should call them. They would all try and kill him if they found out he hadn't called when Edward was in this condition.

"Riza, I have your orders."

Her shoulders automatically straightened "Yes sir?"

"Call the group, inform them Fullmetal's in the hospital."

She nodded and walked down the hall, but before turning the corner to where the phones were, she asked "Sir, what about Alphonse?"

Roy pondered this. The youngest Elric had a right to know, seeing as it is his brother, but Al would simply make himself sick with worry, and Roy doubted he could get a train to Central in this weather anyway...

"Do not inform Alphonse yet."

"Yes, sir." She then turned down the white hallways to call them.

Roy himself was dying with worry for the boy in the hospital bed. Not knowing his condition, made it worse.

_'And it's all my fault, if I hadn't been such a bastard to him, he would still be in the apartment, warm and safe and... why did I say that to him? It was obvious he was thinking about important things, and yet when he didn't acknowledge me, I yelled at him. It was completely unnecessary. Im a bastard. A total bastard.'_

Roy's thoughts continued like this until he felt a soft, feminine hand on his shoulder. Turning his head, he saw the worried gaze of the first lieutenant.

"They said they'd be here momentarily, Sir."

The Colonel simply nodded his head, to show he heard. Riza took her rightful seat to his left. Both absorbed in their own thoughts, which were centered around a certain young blonde alchemist, they wouldn't have even noticed the large group that came in the doors, if it hadn't been for the noise they were making.

"BOSS!" Jean yelled from down the hall. "How's the chief?"

Roy shook his head sadly. "We don't know yet."

"Why was he out there in the first place?" Kain's soft timid voice asked.

Roy turned to face Riza, his eyes asking if he should tell the story. She simply nodded.

After explaining the story, from the the night with the letter, to the five seconds before they walked through the door. They knew everything.

Kain was crying, Jean looked sad and partly angry, Heymans was just plain mad, Vato was slumped down.

Heymans was the first to input his opinion "How could you, Colonel? He's a nice kid and you knew damn well he was going through a hard time and you yelled at him like that? How heartless are you?"

The man in question shifted his onyx gaze to the side.

"S-Sir? W-why? Wh-why would you do that to Ed?" The sobbing spectacled man spoke softly.

Jean was next to state his thoughts "That was cruel, Boss. I mean sure, I can understand why you got mad at the chief for not paying attention to you, but he is just a kid, after all."

A kid. A _kid._ That's right. The Hero of the People was nothing more than a fifteen year old boy, who made mistakes and was forced to give up his childhood and become a dog of the military for his younger brother.

"Sir, I have to agree with the others on this. I-I find your actions heartless." Vato spoke respectfully, but none the less disapprovingly.

Roy was hesitant to speak, but did anyway. "I know. I know. I'm a heartless bastard. An ass. A cruel, awful man. If I could change it I would. I really would. This was not my intention, hell, I had no intention in the beginning, I was just being an ass."

The subordinates all stared at the man, waiting for him to continue. "I never even considered how he was feeling. I knew what he lost. I knew the price he paid. And I ignored it. I really am a bastard, huh? Just like he always said."

Roy lowered his gaze to his lap.

They all sat, in the hard chairs, some thinking, some fidgeting, waiting for the nurse to come out and tell them what the wanted- no needed to hear.

They all sat silently, while what felt like an eternity passed, when it was really only a few hours, until they heard the satisfying click of shoes on the marble hallway floor. They snapped out of their thoughts and looked up from their respective laps, to see a nurse with a name tag reading Clara standing before them.

Roy stood abruptly out of his seat, as did some of the others and walked towards the Clara. "How is he? How is my subordinate?"

The nurse was hesitant, and looked at her shoes. "How is Edward? Answer me! Thats an order!"

"Sir!" Riza interrupted "Let her speak."

"Are you all here for Edward Elric?" Clara spoke softly.

The group nodded their heads.

"Well- ... We- we don't know if- if he's going to make it."

Their eyes widened in shock and fear. Kain immediately started crying upon hearing the news.

"Why- What's wrong with him?" Roy asked coldly.

"He has-" She checked her clipboard "A severe case of Hypothermia."

"How? He wasn't out there long enough to get Hypothermia..." Riza questioned.

"His automail. It speed up the process much faster then a normal person." The nurse answered.

"C-Can we s-see him?" Kain asked in between sobs.

She nodded and walked, gesturing for them to follow. She pushed open the door. "We're currently trying to get his condition into stable... But we don't know if..."

Roy walked in first, and upon seeing Edward's pale face, slumped in the chair next to the bed. His subordinates stood next to him.

His automail had been removed, and they could all see the blueish flesh near the automail port on his missing limbs.

"What's the percentage he'll make it?" Jean questioned Clara.

She seemed hesitant before answering "Not high enough... I'll leave you alone with him." And left the room, shutting the door behind her.

So defensless. So helpless. So lost. That's what Ed looked like, lying unconscious in the white hospital bed. Roy's guilt grew. His fault. His fault. Roy reached out and grabbed the flesh hand on the bed next to him. Roy almost dropped it. So cold. Like ice. '_He's like this because of you.' _the little voice in his head said. Roy's grip on the ice cold hand tightened, as if holding his hand would give Ed all the warmth he needed.

'_Hasn't he been through enough? Why him? What did he ever do wrong? Why? Why? WHY?'_ Roy thoughts screamed pityingly.

He always bounces back. Always. From automail surgery to Scar's attacks, he always bounced back.

And if he can't this time? '_No don't think like that. He will...'_

_'But how can you be sure?'_

_'I-I'm not.'_

_'I didn't think so. Remember, if he dies... It's all your fault.'_

And then the voice went silent.

They were all watching Ed, lying in the hospital bed, when the heart monitor started racing frantically and Ed's golden eyes shot open and he released an heart wrenching scream.

Then. His beautiful eyes shut. His rapid breathing shallowed and his chest stopped moving.

So did the heart monitor.

And it's all Roy's fault.

**CLIFF HANGER!Chapter Nine coming soon!**

**Read and Review!**


	9. Not Now, Not Ever

**'Dedicated To My Friends:FireAnne47, Artimus Suzuki, Spoot Poot, BelieveYouAre, Awesomenaruto and Topdog12 and all my other reviewers!**

**Disclaimer: I dont own FMA**

**Read And Review Please!**

**Chapter Nine:**

_Not Now, Not Ever_

"DOCTOR! DOCTOR! DAMMIT GET YOUR ASS IN HERE! HE'S NOT BREATHING!" Roy yelled. "Edward, Ed, wake up, wake up!"

The door burst open and a team of doctors rushed to the blondes side. "Get out! All of you! We need to do surgery!" Dr. Knox yelled.

They ran out so fast, it would make the cheetahs go to shame. They sat back in the awful chairs, Kain's sobs deafening. Riza had silent tears coursing down her cheeks, as did Jean and Breda. Roy was trying to hold it together. Trying to keep the tears in.

He failed miserably. His shoulders were shaking with the tears cascading down his pale cheeks. His fault. His fault. He should be the one in there, not Ed.

Doctors and nurses were bustling in and out of his room, racing around like chickens with their heads cut off.

Where was the Equivalent Exchange in this? What did any one get out of this? Or what did Ed get in return? This wasn't fair. Not Equivalent. And there was no Exchange.

So here they were, professionally trained military dogs, sobbing like children.

He can't be dead. He can't. It's not possible. He's too strong for that. He can't die. What about Al? What about his goal? He can't just die, and give up. That;s not the Edward Elric they all know and love. No, the Edward they love is strong. Brave. Stubborn. And determined. He couldn't let something like this end his life.

Hours past. No one said a word. The only noise was the sobs and sniffles from the a member of the group and the frantic yelling from Ed's hospital room.

That's when they heard it. A scream. A scream they all knew. A teenagers scream. _Edward's _scream.

They jumped out of their chairs, knocking them over. They looked at the door, then each other. Eyes widening, mouths hanging open.

The group listened to the pained screams with hope. Screams meant he was alive. That's all they wanted. The crying ceased after the first scream was heard. Theres no reason to cry over someone who's still alive. But that didn't mean the group would relax. No way. They righted their chairs, and placed themselves in them. Just staring at the door with new found hope shining in their eyes.

Thirty minutes later, nurse Clara came out, her dress had blood on it. But that didn't phase them. She was _smiling_. She rushed over to them.

"He'll live! It was hard, he really is a strong boy. His condition is almost stable... If it had been anyone else... my guess is that they would not have lived..."

Grins broke out on the faces of the soldiers. Big, shit eating, Envy style grins. He was _alive._ Clara waved and left back to go in Ed's room. When Clara came back a while later, the grins had not faded.

She had her own special grin on her face too. "His condition is stable!" She said her smile growing wider. Kain, much to everyones dismay, started crying again. Only this time it was out of joy. The soldiers all had their eyes shining with joy, for the fact he was, indeed alive.

Heymans and Jean fist bumped. Riza put her head on Roy's shoulder. And Kain was sobbing into Vato's chest.

"When can we see him?" Roy asked while putting his arm around Riza's waist, pulling her close to him in a sideways embrace.

Clara thought about it, but Dr. Knox answered for her "Now. You might wanna go now, while he still has a bit of consciousness."

Roy was so happy, he could have hugged the man. But he was a Colonel. Colonels don't hug men. Injured, hospitalized teens, are a different matter.

The military group practically leaped up from their chairs, briskly walking to Ed's room. They were greeted by Edward, who was lying on his back, eyes closed. When Roy knocked, the blonde opened his eyes and looked in their direction. Roy resumed his previous spot in the chair, while the others claimed their own. Ed managed a small smile.

"H-hey bastard... Your cheeks are all wet." Ed's voice was raspy from screaming. It was then Roy realized he was crying. As were the others.

Ed's tan, flesh hand reached out and grabbed Roy's own. The action shocked the Colonel thoroughly.

"Wh-what's up wi-with you g-guys? Wh-why are you a-all c-crying?"

"Because we all care about you." Roy said softly.

That stunned Ed. They _cared?_ They were all crying, because of _him?_ Ed smiled. "T-thanks."

No one spoke for a while.

Ed's breathing was getting even, and they could all tell he was starting to fall asleep.

"O-one last thing C-colonel. Be-before I sleep."

"What is it Ed?" Roy was beyond curious as to what his subordinate wanted to say.

"S-Sorry..." Roy was utterly confused. _He _should be the one apologizing, not Ed. But Ed continued "I fa-failed again."

Then his blonde head tilted to the side and he was snoring softly. His tan hand still holding Roy's pale one.

Riza gasped. They all knew what it meant. Ed was apologizing... because he failed. He didn't die. Roy had never been so glad that Ed failed something.

'YOU MIGHT END UP FINISHING THE JOB _YOU_ _FAILED__ LAST TIME' _Roy's voice rang through their heads. And once more Kain was on the verge of tears.

The obsidian eyed man tightened the grip on the teens hand. Tighter, tighter, until his knuckles were white. Why would he even think about apologizing for something like that? Is that what he thought Roy wanted? Did he think Roy _wanted_ him to die? Cause that was far from what Roy wanted. Roy wanted Ed to live a long, happy life. Any father should want that for their son. Roy was no different.

The soft breathing coming from the sleeping boy relaxed Roy. Like a lullaby. Roy placed his head on the edge of Ed's hospital bed.

And slowly, his own breathing evened, and he fell into a dreamless sleep, still clutching Ed's hand like it was his lifeline.

"Goodnight Colonel." Riza whispered, and led the group out of the room.

After all, every father needed alone time with his son.

For thats what Ed is. His son.

His alive, breathing son.

And the last thought that echoed through Roy's mind was;

'_I kept my promise. He's not alone anymore. Not now. Not ever.'_

**_Chapter Ten coming soon!_**

**_Aww nice ending this chapter, huh?_**

**_Read and Review!_**


	10. They Had No Idea

**'Dedicated To My Friends:FireAnne47, Artimus Suzuki, Spoot Poot, BelieveYouAre, Awesomenaruto and Topdog12 and all my other reviewers!**

**Disclaimer: I dont own FMA**

**Read And Review Please!**

**OMG! I'm so sorry I haven't updated in forever! I just haven't had _any_ inspiration for this, so this chapter might be short!**

**Chapter Ten:**

_They Had No Idea_

Roy woke up early, and opened his eyes to see the golden glow of Edward's hair. The automail had to be removed, because of the skin around the ports required surgery, so the teen only had his left arm and right leg. Roy allowed a small smile to show on his features. Edward was alive. Edward wasn't alone. He had kept his promise, He always would.

But now, he just wanted to take Edward and go home, or well, back to Riza's apartment anyway.

He also wanted Edward to wake up. He wanted to see Edward smile. He wanted him to laugh. And joke. To yell. He wanted Edward to throw, hit and scream.

God, he really was selfish.

But that didn't matter. He had Edward. And now, he knew that the blonde would continue to live.

The smile on his face grew.

He didn't know how long he was staring at Fullmetal's face, it felt like hours, but the next thing he knew, long, blonde eyelashes were fluttering, as if debating if they should open or keep his golden eyes closed.

"Edward, Edward, come on, wake up." Roy whispered softly.

The eyelashes made their decision. Golden orbs stared at onyx.

"C-colonel?" Edward whispered, his voice raspy.

Roy nodded. "Yes, Edward it's me. And, I'm really sorry for what I said to you... back at Riza's."

The teen gave a sad smile. It almost looked pained.

"I-it's okay. You only said the truth..."

"EDWARD!"

The blonde's shoulders stiffened from hearing the colonel's harsh tone.

"Y-yes?"

"Don't you ever say that again! That was not true, so don't say it is!"

The young alchemist avoided the older man's eyes, and decided his lap was a lot more interesting than Roy's face.

"Yes it is... it is true... I failed last time... I failed..."

Roy opened his mouth to protest, but was interrupted by the creak of the door.

"OH MY GOD! EDWARD! YOU'RE AWAKE!" Jean shouted, alerting the others, who were in the waiting, to come running towards the teens hospital room.

Edward gave a soft smile. "Yes, Havoc, I'm awake." It was highly unusual, but the blonde's voice didn't hold any of the sarcasm that it usually would have.

The subordinates knew something was troubling Edward. The needed to know, if this was serious... there was only one way to test this...

They looked at each other, exchanging glances... they all seemed to read each other's minds, because they knew what the plan was.

Heymans went first. "Hey, how are you feeling, shorty?"

Edward gave another soft smile. "I'm feeling fine, thank you." No explosion. No rant. No temper tantrum. And he said _thank you._ Edward practically never said thank you...

Oh. Dear. God. There was something wrong. Horribly wrong. The room grew to a almost awkward silence.

Jean decided it needed more testing. Maybe Edward just didn't hear it?

"Well, pipsqueak, I hope you get over this _little_ problem."

That soft smile was starting to scare Roy and his subordinates. "Yes, Havoc, I hope I get over this small problem too. Thank you for your concern."

This couldn't be Edward. It couldn't be. He said the word _small_ in his sentence_. _And another thank you. This was not right. Where was the smart ass, fiery, hot headed kid they had all grown to love like family?

The group glared at Roy. It was his fault. It was his fault their temperamental Edward was gone.

Edward spoke once more. "I hope you have all faired well while I was here?"

Was this really Edward? He actually sounded genuinely concerned for their well fair. This wasn't right. And the group didn't like this one bit.

"Y-yeah, we're all fine, Edward." Riza said shakily.

He smiled once more. Why was he smiling so much? "Oh good, I'm very glad to hear it."

They were interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Excuse me, can I talk to Ms. Riza Hawkeye for a moment in private?" Dr. Knox asked.

"Oh, yes of course." Riza was a bit confused. What was the doctor going to say? Why was it in private?

"I bet you're wondering why I asked to speak with you."

The blonde woman nodded.

"It's about Mr. Elric's condition."

"What about it?" She asked, barely hiding the concern and panic in her voice.

"Has he been acting different?" Dr Knox asked bluntly.

"Yes..." Riza answered cautiously.

The aged doctor sighed. "I was afraid of that... What are the differences?"

"Well, Edward did not lose his temper with the usual remarks about his height... And he said thank you. Repeatedly..."

"Why? What caused this?"

Dr. Knox took off his glasses and rubbed them on his shirt, then placed them back on the bridge of his nose.

"Tell me, did Edward experience anything... let's say, traumatic... right before this event?"

The first lieutenant thought carefully. She nodded. "Yes..."

The older man sighed again. "What happened?"

Riza, seeing that she had no option but to tell him, proceeded to explain to him about what happened right before they came to the hospital. About what Roy said to Edward.

"Oh god, Mustang really screwed up..."

Panic leaked into the blonde woman's voice. "Why?"

Dr. Knox paused. "Well... having that type of thing said to him, was bound to mess him up pshycologically. Seeing as how much the boy trusted Mustang. But with the surgery he just went through too..."

" What's wrong with Edward?"

Another pause. "Well, you could say, due to this experience, Edward's personality has... altered."

Brown eyes grew wide. "Can we fix it?"

"I'll be honest. I don't know."

"So you're saying that because of what the colonel said to Edward, his personality has changed?"

"Yes... Mustang screwed up this time..."

_'We will fix this Edward. I promise.' _Riza swore silently to herself.

They would fix this.

They would get the old Edward back.

Too bad they had no idea just how hard that would be.

...Yes... They really had no idea, just how hard that would be...

They had no idea.

_TO BE CONTINUED!_

**Review!**

**+++NOTE+++ There was apparently, some confusion about the surgery. It was not surgery for hypothermia, it was surgery for his automail because the skin around the automail ports was frozen, etc. Besides, I'm a fanfiction writer, not a fucking doctor.**

**Sorry this chapter really sucks, but I thought I should post something!**


	11. They Had Been Wrong

**Read and review!**

**Disclaimer: I dont own FMA**

_**+++NOTE+++ Sorry for all my unprofessional medical terms. DAMMIT READERS! I'M AN AUTHOR, NOT A DOCTOR! (That was for you, Toscacat)**_

** Dedicated to all the wonderful people who have been putting up with my lack of updates recently. LOVE YOU!**

**Chapter Eleven:**

_They Had Been Wrong_

Riza had just come back and explained in hushed whispers, so Ed would not hear, of what the doctor had said to her.

Edward was different. And Roy did not like it. He never thought that he would take the rude, loud and insulting Edward over a polite, quiet and caring Edward. He wanted the old Ed back. And he was determined to get Ed back to normal. It _was_ his fault Edward was like this anyway.

If he hadn't made that horrible comment to Ed, the blonde wouldn't have run away, then he wouldn't have gotten hypothermia and needed extensive automail surgery that screwed with his mind because he had a traumatic event before then.

It was all Roy's fault. Everyone knew it. Everyone but Edward.

"Chief, are you hungry?" Jean asked, hoping to being back the old Ed with the bottomless-pit for a stomach.

"Yes, indeed I am. Thank you for asking." Edward answered politely.

It would take a lot of getting used to having their fiery tempered alchemist like this. None of the subordinates wanted to get used to this. They each hoped that the old Edward would come back.

"Would you like me to get you something?"

The short blonde smiled. "Yes, thank you, that would be lovely."

Eyes of various colors widened. Did Edward really just say _lovely?_ Jean left the room to go get the young alchemist food for his bottomless-pit. The remaining subordinates, including sweet little Kain, glared at Roy with fury in their eyes. They did not like this Edward. They did not like this sweet, smiling, polite boy. They loved the rude, careless, glaring teen.

Jean came back in with a tray of food in his hands, and something that may just cause Ed to react. A nice, tall bottle of milk. The liquid secreted from cows. The white substance Edward hated with a passion.

The blonde smoker set the tray containing the simple ham sandwich and red apple with the 'disgusting' bottle of milk next to it. Havoc exchanged a glance with Mustang. Roy knew what he had to do.

When Edward stared at the milk, disapprovingly, Roy made his move. "Come on Fullmetal, drink your milk, maybe you'll grow."

The scowl that was making its way onto Edward's face deepened. Roy continued his act. "Drink your milk shorty."

A angry red vein pulsed on the side of Ed's head. "I WON'T DRINK THE LIQUID SECRETED FROM A COW! AND DON'T CALL ME SHORT!" He yelled in the usual angry Edward voice.

Every inhabitant of the room was shocked. Their Edward was still in there, they could get him back. Right when things were looking hopeful, Ed spoke again. "Oh my God! I am so so so so SORRY! I didn't mean to yell! I don't know what came over me!" He stopped apologizing and turned to Jean. "I am very grateful for your efforts, but I'm sorry to say I don't care for milk... Please forgive me, I didn't mean to give you so much trouble."

"It's no problem Fullmetal." Roy intervened for the shell shocked Jean.

Kain input his own tidbit for Ed. "It's okay to yell, we like that."

Edward's eyes widened in surprise. "You like it when I yell at you? Like I did before?" He asked curiously.

The group nodded eagerly. Maybe the old Edward could come back after all. Edward sucked in a huge gulp of air. Prepared to yell. He let loose a loud yell of "I'M VERY, VERY SORRY I WAS VERY MEAN TO YOU! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!"

The previously eager group lowered their head in disappointment. "That's not what I meant Edward, and it's okay, all is forgiven." Kain said as feedback for Edward's attempt.

"I'm sorry." Golden eyes welled with tears. "I didn't mean to disappoint you... Please forgive me! I'll try harder next time!"

Riza sighed, and nodded. "It's okay Edward, just go to sleep."

The young blonde alchemist nodded and laid down, tucking himself into the white sheets. "Goodnight, all of you."

"Goodnight" They all replied simultaneously.

"How are we going to get Edward back to normal?" Vato asked as soon as the golden eyes had shut and the soft breathing of sleep had started.

Roy thought before answering. He knew this question was directed to him. The colonel sighed in defeat. "I don't know."

"We'll figure it out." Riza said determinedly. "Who knows, maybe when he wakes up, he'll be back to normal.

_'Yeah... Maybe... All I can do is pray to the God I don't believe in...'_ Roy thought somberly.

* * *

It had been three days. And those golden eyes had not opened. Edward was still asleep. For three days. Roy was freaking out, wondering of the blonde would ever awake, if he would ever see those beautiful eyes that reminded him so much of the blazing sun ever again.

_'What if he never wakes up? It'll be all my fault.' _Roy thought with worry.

Kain tried to reassure him. "Don't worry, sir, Edward has always done a fast recovery! I'm sure he'll wake up and be back to normal in no time!" He said his voice as positive as always.

"But what if he's not okay this time?" Roy asked, in need of comfort.

"I'm sure he'll be just dine." Riza said trying to boost her colonel's mood.

Roy sighed, he had been sighing a lot as of late, and nodded his head in agreement. "Yes, I'm sure you're right." They were each sure they were right about Edward's recovery.

As soon as they finished that conversation, came in the room with a grim expression on his aged face.

Roy immediately panicked. "What's wrong? What's wrong with Edward!?"

Knox had always been an honest man, this was no exception. The tone of his voice was as grim as the expression on his face.

"I don't know if Edward will ever wake up again."

They had been wrong.

_TO BE CONTINUED_

_**Review!**_

_**+++IMPORTANT!+++ I haven't updated this in so long because I have NO ideas for it! If you have any ideas of what you would like to happen, please, PLEASE tell me! Otherwise, I'll have to give it a really LAME ENDING of: "And Edward went back to normal and everyone was happy. The End." And I KNOW you don't want that!**_


	12. The Two Endings of LIAB

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA!**

**Dedicated: Love you, Payton-chan!**

**A/N I can't believe that after all this, it's finally ending!**

_**+++NOTE+++ This is the END of L.I.A.B and there are two endings. I suggest you read them both.**_

**Chapter Twelve Ending One:**

_He Left It Behind_

"What do you mean Edward may never wake up again?" Roy asked panicked for his subordinates life.

Dr Knox took off his glasses and rubbed them on his shirt. This was the worst part about being a doctor. Breaking the news to the loved ones of the patient.

"Edward's gone into a sort of... Coma, you could say... He might never wake up again." paused and sighed, deciding to break the news now. "We're estimating about a week left."

Obsidian eyes pricked with tears. This was his fault. If he hadn't said that comment _"I'M NOT LEAVING A SUICIDAL TEEN HOME ALONE! YOU MIGHT END UP FINISHING THE JOB YOU FAILED LAST TIME!" _How stupid was he? Why had he said something like that? Ed was so important to him, the son he never had, and now here he was... In a hospital... Dying.

He was dying because of Roy. If Roy hadn't said such a cruel thing to Ed, Ed wouldn't have run away and gotten buried under the snow, if Roy had just found Ed faster that night... Edward wouldn't have gotten hypothermia, his automail wouldn't have gotten frostbite, and Edward wouldn't have needed surgery that screwed up his bold personality.

This was all his fault. Tears were streaming down freely, all six of their faces. Ed was like family to each of them.

No. Edward _was_ family to them.

And now he was dying.

* * *

Three days had passed. Edward's life was fading. Alphonse was there, in his adorable human body. The boys had just gotten Al's body back a few months ago, Ed had kept his automail.

Alphonse was the one who cried the most, as expected. The tawny haired teen cried and cried and cried. Tears were always streaming down his face. When he came back to Central to see his brother, he didn't think that he would see his brother in a hospital.

And that Edward couldn't see him, because he was asleep.

The group of seven, had camped out in the waiting room, determined to see Edward's face every moment during visitor hours.

rushed to the group of Edward's brother and 'family'.

"He wants to see you, Alphonse."

Eyes widened in surprise. Edward was awake? Alphonse jumped to his flesh, not metal, feet and ran down the hallway to his brothers room. He pushed the door open and bolted inside.

There his brother was, sitting in bed, golden eyes open. The blonde wasn't tan, but a sickly white. Al rushed over and grabbed his brother's flesh hand.

"Brother! You're awake!" Al beamed at his older brother.

Edward gave a small chuckle and a smile. "Yeah, I am Al. I just wanted you to tell you I love you. That's all."

Something was wrong, Al was sure of it. He knew that Ed loved him to death, but he was never so open about it. He never said his emotions out loud like that. But, being the naive Alphonse that he was, he dismissed it as his brother trying to compensate for worrying him so much.

"Al..." Edward coughed into his hand, but refused to show his younger brother the dark red liquid that came from his mouth. "I... I need you to get the others. Make them come into here, one at a time. By themselves. The colon- Roy, he comes last."

Alphonse nodded, accepting his new job. As he walked towards the door, Edward's voice stopped him.

"Al... I really, really do love you, you're the best brother I could ever have. And I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry. For everything... Can you forgive me?"

The younger Elric smiled and faced his brother. "There was never anything to forgive. I love you too, brother." Al walked out of the room, and told the others.

He never saw the lone tear that traced down Edward's cheek.

* * *

As the other's were meeting with Edward, Roy was busy worrying to death. Why was he supposed to see Edward last? Why couldn't he see him now? Why had Ed wanted to meet with all of them, alone?

When Riza came back, Roy knew it was his turn.

He got up quickly, and went to Ed's room. When he got into the room, the first thing he saw were golden eyes. Those beautiful eyes that were laced with sorrow and pain.

But why?

Roy went over and grabbed Edward's hand, as Al had done before. "Edward..." Roy spoke softly.

Edward shushed him. "I need to tell you something." There was a pause, and Edward coughed, bringing the blood spilling onto the white sheet. "I've thought of you as a father for a long time, and I trust you."

"And I think of you as a son... I'm sorry Edward. I didn't mean to say such a hurtful thing."

The blonde shook his head in disagreement. "No, it's okay. But-" Another cough, and more blood came from Ed's mouth. The heart monitor started racing with each haggled cough, Roy soothingly rubbed his back.

"Ro- Dad. I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Tears were pouring from his eyes. "Tell everyone I'm sorry... But-"

Golden eyes were fading, and Roy started to panic. Edward continued to speak, tightening his grip on the older man's hand. The young alchemist continued speaking. "But, tell them that I'm finally getting what I want."

Edward gave a soft, sad smile. "I'm finally leaving it all behind."

The heart monitor stopped.

Edward's hand went slack in Roy's.

And there was no bringing him back. Not this time.

* * *

The casket was being lowered, and tears were being shed.

Unlike Mae's funeral, Roy was crying freely. As was everyone else who attended. Alphonse, Winry, Pinako, Izumi, Sig, Mason, Jean, Heymans, Kain, Vato, Alex, Olivier, Riza, himself and a few others.

Edward had done it. He had accomplished his goal...

He had left everything behind.

As the colonel cried silently to himself, he thought about everything Ed had left behind.

His friends. Ed had made so many on his journey.

His family. Related by both blood and bond alike.

His future. Ed had so much potential. He would have been a great man one day. Hell, he already was the hero of the people.

Roy. He had left his 'father' behind. No father should ever out live his son.

He left _everything_ behind.

**_END of First Ending_**

**Did it make you cry? I know I cried while I wrote it! NOW, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, THE OTHER ENDING! This ones happy, I promise.**

* * *

** Chapter Twelve Ending Two:**

_He Didn't Leave Anything_

"What do you mean Edward may never wake up again?" Roy asked panicked for his subordinates life.

Dr Knox took off his glasses and rubbed them on his shirt. This was the worst part about being a doctor. Breaking the news to the loved ones of the patient.

"Edward's gone into a sort of... Coma, you could say... He might never wake up again." paused and sighed, deciding to break the news now. "But... He might."

There was hope. The chances were slim that Ed would wake up, but as long as there was even the tiniest possibility, Roy would not lose faith. But still... It was his fault Edward was even in the hospital... If he hadn't said "I'm not leaving a suicidal teen home alone, you might end up finishing the job you failed last time." Why would he even say that?

Ed did not deserve that kind of cruelty.

If Roy hadn't said such a awful thing to Ed, Ed wouldn't have run away and gotten buried under the snow, if Roy had just found Ed faster that night... Edward wouldn't have gotten hypothermia, his automail wouldn't have gotten frostbite, and Edward wouldn't have needed surgery that screwed up his bold personality.

This was all his fault. Tears were streaming down freely, all six of their faces. Ed was like family to each of them.

No. Edward _was_ family to them.

And now he might die.

* * *

Three days had passed. Ed's condition had not changed, and he was still asleep. Alphonse was there, in his adorable human body. The boys had just gotten Al's body back a few months ago, Ed had kept his automail.

Alphonse was the one who cried the most, as expected. The tawny haired teen cried and cried and cried. Tears were always streaming down his face. When he came back to Central to see his brother, he didn't think that he would see his brother in a hospital.

The seven of them were sitting in their hard, uncomfortable chairs, as they had been. It was boring, yes, but if Edward suddenly woke up, they all wanted to be there.

But still... It was unknown if Ed would ever wake up, or even live.

They heard the sound of rushed footsteps coming towards their direction, and looked up quickly.

Dr Knox was rushing towards them with a small smile on his aged face. He went straight towards the colonel, the smile on his face growing.

"He wishes to see you."

Roy's perfect eyebrow scrunched in confusion. "Who wants to see me?"

There was a pause, and the uncharacteristic smile grew larger. "Edward."

That was all it took, Roy practically jumped from his chair and he bounded down the hall towards his youngest subordinates room, without thanking the still-smiling doctor. When Roy got to Ed's room, he walked in and obsidian orbs met golden, and they both smiled at each other.

"Edward, you're awake." Roy spoke in disbelief. He had honestly thought Ed would never wake up again.

The blonde's smile twisted into a charming smirk. "You can't get rid of me that easily, you bastard."

The raven haired man smile grew. The old Ed was back. Back to his rude, insulting self. And Roy loved it. Now, instead of insulting Edward's height, he walked over to Edward's bed and took the teen into his arms.

"I'm glad."

Roy burrowed his head into Ed's one shoulder, seeing as the other had been un-attached. Edward's eyes widened. Was Roy, the great colonel Roy Mustang, Flame Alchemist, Hero of Ishval, crying... Because of him?

The older man couldn't help it. Silent tears escaped his eyes, betraying his desire to keep them hidden. But this time, it was tears of joy.

Roy spoke, his tone soft. "You have no idea how worried I was about you. How worried _everyone_ was, imagine Alphonse's reaction when he came to visit you and was informed that you were at the hospital, in coma... And that you might not live."

Edward laughed. "You think hypothermia could kill me? I survived human transmutation, a little frostbite won't kill me."

The colonel removed himself from his 'son's' hug. "What do you mean, a little frostbite? You were going to di-" Roy stopped. He looked into Edward's eyes once more, and only just now noticed the pain and sorrow in the golden depths.

And the crystal tears, refusing to be released from their golden prison.

Edward had thought he was going to die.

But did Ed have tears in his eyes because he had been afraid of death, or because he hadn't died?

Ed burrowed himself in Roy's arms, his pride not allowing him to let his colonel see his tears.

"I-I'm sorry,: Edward whispered between his sobs. "I-I'm so so sorry."

He had been afraid. So, so afraid. He had thought he was going to die, and leave everything behind.

Edward didn't want to leave it all behind.

"C-colonel?" Edward asked softly.

Roy tightened his grip on the teen. "Yes?"

"Thank you."

Those two little words confused Roy. What had he done to deserve Edward's thanks?

"What are you thanking me for?"

Edward answered without hesitation. He smiled, even though he knew that from his place in Roy's arms, the colonel couldn't see it.

"Thank you, for not letting me leave it all behind."

_**END of Second Ending.**_

**Did it make you smile? Did it make you go "aww?" **

**Which ending did you like better? Tell me in a review! **

**Hope you liked the ending(s)! ****Review!**


End file.
